Cal just released its Jared Goff bobblehead and it's haunting our dreams
Please make it stop
Bobbleheads are a tough business, but even by the generous standards of assessing bobblehead-to-human likeness, Cal's upcoming Jared Goff bobblehead is horrifying.
The Bears will be handing these bad boys out prior to their home game against USC on Saturday, Nov. 16, thereby maximizing the Goff bobble's exposure by showing him off before one of the season's best-attended games.
The Goff bobble joins an increasingly long line of bouncy-headed Cal likenesses given away in recent years, including a Play bobblehead featuring Kevin Moen, one depicting Marshawn Lynch driving a medical cart, and an Aaron Rodgers Cal bobblehead.
The Goff one, though, is objectively just bad.
His skin is a sickly off-white color, making the young quarterback look as if he's just sauntered out of a nursing home. His eyes appear to be sunken from exhaustion. His eyebrows, inexplicably, are orange.
Sure, the Cal uniform looks crisp, but why are his fingers so extremely fat? And his grip is just bizarre: as one Twitter commenter put it, "Is he shot putting the football?" The designers even missed Goff's trademark wispy mustache, an omnipresent feature during his days as Cal's starting quarterback from 2013-2015.
The one positive: the fact that Cal and Goff remain close enough to allow for this sort of promotion. Rodgers, famously, shunned the university for a number of years after the firing of former head coach Jeff Tedford (before re-joining the Golden Bears fold with head coach Justin Wilcox's hiring). Goff, on the other hand, has appeared to remain supportive of the program throughout despite the transition from Sonny Dykes to Wilcox.
Did they need a night-terror-inducing bobblehead to commemorate this positive, though? Probably not.
UPDATE: At least one person likes the bobblehead.
Michael Rosen is a SFGATE digital editor. Email: [email protected].